Billy got to go to school today so I went to the bank and Union Station to pick up a Chiefs/Royals picture I ordered. I made a phone call and even talked to a lawyer today (who suggested a different lawyer), but I don't feel like, "yay, I did something today." Even while I was out, I just wanted to be back home. What's at home? Nothing. I sit.
One really bad thing about the widow group I'm in is when they start asking spiritual questions. I have those answers, but how do you comfort someone that most likely lost their loved one to hell? I just can't. I don't know what to say.
I dropped a whole casserole upside-down in the oven. The kids ate it anyway. I couldn't I felt so sick. I just feel like crap today. It's just not a good day.
I have this stack of grief books and some days I just can't read them because I can't deal with my own grief.
I haven't taken Scott's stuff off our shared phone calendars, so it still shows all the days he's supposed to be at work. The past to weeks, he was supposed to be "on call." His last "on call" for the sign up period. It's both a comfort and and knife to the heart seeing "Scott on call" on my phone. And upsetting that it's going to be gone in a couple of days. Such a small thing but they all add up.
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