Last night, Billy and I stayed the night at our friend's house. It was Billy's first real sleepover and he had fun. I stayed because they live a little far and to give him his meds.
I hadn't cried in a week, but I did tonight. I got a new book about grieving the loss of a spouse and in the first paragraph, it had me. I don't know if I like the format, but it does have truth to it and shows I'm not alone. One thing that really caught at my heart was when it asked how a heart that has become one can split in two again. It says this is why it hurts--because your heart is torn from your spouse.
My devotional reiterated something I knew but needed reminding of. Our "reality" is a lie and loss brings us back to knowing that life isn't on OUR terms. It reminds me of the Natalie Grant song "Held": "Who told us we'd be rescued? What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? We're asking why this happens to us who have died to live. It's unfair. This is what it means to be held, how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive. This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held." The song always reminded me of something sweeping you off your feet, off a cliff and God reaching down to catch you.
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