Yesterday I went to the funeral home. Two of the things I ordered for Scott's mausoleum haven't arrived which makes me mad. Jayde was supposed to meet with me, but she got stuck at Resthaven. Isidro came and sat on the floor with me in his suit and chatted for quite a while. We talked about family, depression, death, and being a Christian. I didn't know he was a Christ follower. He said through his depression, it moved from head knowledge to heart knowledge. We also talked about Chiefs and Raiders. He gave me the paid bills for the funeral that Jayde was going to give me. I need them for the lawyer to do probate for the house and the van.
Today I spent most of the day at mom's with Billy. Arrena drove down tonight. I watched Abundant Life's Christmas Eve service.
I've been teary all day. The music, watching It's a Wonderful Life on TV, etc. I've been surreptitiously wiping tears all day. I think Billy noticed.
Billy said yesterday that I cry all the time and that he hears me. I said I didn't cry all the time, so he asked why I sleep in Scott's bed. He's also started saying I'm an alcoholic because he saw rum in the outside fridge. He said it a few times in front of my mom, who doesn't approve of any alcohol. I had to take him aside later and explain what an alcoholic is and why I'm not one.
Anyways, here's the first Christmas without Scott. And I'm already teary and couldn't get in the "Christmas spirit" this year. Arrena put up her little tree in her room, but I didn't decorate at all. I felt like putting a black wreath on the door.
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