Monday, December 14, 2020

12-14-2020 Journal Entry, aka Our Anniversary

Arrena officially moved home yesterday.  Today wasn't as horrible as I feared, mostly because Billy was here doing virtual learning, Kimberly was here cleaning (for money), and I was on the phone most of the day handling business.  But now that everything is quiet, I looked at pictures and Facebook posts from previous years and cried.  I miss him so much and I don't know how to do life without him.  He pushed me along with my depression and made sure I was taking care of myself.  He was my cheerleader.  The grief coach said to go on to honor him, but I don't know how.  I slept in his Chiefs' shirt last night, in his bed (we had adjustable beds pushed together), with his pillow. and his covers.  I've been turning my back on it but I wanted to feel close to him especially on our anniversary.  With some help, I got into his pictures on his phone, even if I can't get into the phone itself.  It upsets me because it feels like losing another piece of him.  But, it's just a collection of apps.

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