1-11-2021 Journal Entry, aka Life Insurance

I got the two life insurance checks in the mail today, so it took a little over 6 weeks.  One was dated in December but they must have held it to be sent with the one dated last week.  My purse felt very heavy with those checks in there.

I also picked up up my van from the shop which is strange for me because Scott always handled the vehicle repairs.

Then Tara came over to get some paperwork from me.  I asked her to explain to me what's going on with the arbitration and what does "Line of Duty" mean.  So, my understanding is that the federal government doesn't include dispatchers as first responders so the fire chief denied the claim that this was a "line of duty death", even though she called it that in the press release and in her speech to the press.  The head of the city's HR denied it, stating he wasn't in "fire suppression", which makes no sense because paramedics and EMTs don't put out fires and they would count as first responders.  The union has taken it to arbitration because he still had paramedic credentials and could have been put in the field at any time.  LODD or "Line of Duty Death" would give me monthly pay until I reached the age where I could draw out of his 401(a).  They are concurrently working on a workman's comp claim and a federal "LODD" claim.

My daughter Arrena and I had a long talk about a lot of things, but first off, she told me she wasn't moving to Michigan.  At least not now, that's the plan.  We talked about a lot of things but that's all I want to write about for now.

1-7-2021 Journal Entry, aka Little Updates

Yesterday was Billy's first day back at school.  I also had a therapy appointment and went with Kimberly to get her tags for her car.  She had to euthanize her fish because I had sprayed the room with disinfectant and some must have landed in the tank because the fish was getting spots and dying.

Tara told me on the phone that she got her first dose of the Covid vaccination last week.  They offered it by age to those still qualified to work on the ambulance.  So, Scott could have had it, but it's 2 months too late.  I don't know if he would have taken it anyway--he never got flu shots.

I was so tired, I went to bed when Billy did, didn't listen to my nightly audiobook and slept 12 hours.

We had a Zoom meeting today about Billy's Community Integration and ISD services (I don't remember what it stands for, something like independent skills development, I think).  They should start in the next couple of weeks with going to youth group and volunteering at either the zoo or an animal shelter, in addition to teaching him basic skills to be an independent, functioning adult.

I haven't cried in 3 days, I think.  I say that and I'll prob bawl tonight.

Not to say my depression is gone.  It was here before I lost Scott.  I think I am going to really have to push myself to get through it.  Though I was pushing before and it wasn't helping.

I feel accomplished if I do one thing, like put groceries away or do the dishes or cook dinner without calling DoorDash.  I need to push to do more.  Tomorrow I have to organize the living room because Kimberly wants to clean it on Saturday.  It's very cluttered.

I got an email that the life insurance check is on the way.  I didn't know how long to expect.