Saturday, August 14, 2021

8-14-2021 Journal Entry, aka Billy's Baptism

Billy was baptized Wednesday but he didn't want us to come or to sit with us and nearly made a scene.  As I watched some of the kids being baptized, I started crying.  Partly it was his attitude toward us and wondering if he really changed/repented.  Partly I was thinking about Scott and Sue and what they were doing.  And partly I watched some kids opt to have their parent baptize them and I wondered what they did differently because none of mine wanted me to do it.  Billy didn't even want me there.  What did I do wrong that these kids are closer to their parents than I am to mind?  I know all my screw ups, but am I the only one making mistakes? I'm trying so hard and have all their lives.

Billy's continuing this attitude today, saying at least he works and I just sit on my ass.  He also called me a fucking whore.  I'm so tired of the disrespect and I'm tired of my husband's money supporting us all still, yet Kim doesn't acknowledge it and Billy just doesn't get it.  Without me and Scott's provision, there's no money for food, internet, video games, cell phone, gas to drive him around, etc.

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