Friday, August 29, 2008

Kids Say the Darnedest Things, Part 1

Tomorrow we begin our vacation. We will be camping for three days in Oklahoma at my family reunion, then we will be having a party for Chris' foster parents who are leaving in a couple of weeks to be missionaries in Canada. I will likely not have time to blog in the next week and a half, so on the eve of our departure, I was thinking of some of the funny things the kids have said recently and thought I would share them with you.

Billy likes for me to sleep facing him when he is in my bed. If I turn away from him, he either runs around the bed and gets on the other side or he tries to twist my neck around so that I am facing him again. The other night, I had stepped on one of his toys on my way to bed and was limping and muttering and didn't feel like accommodating his sleep preferences, so I turned my back on him. He began twisting my head around, so I turned around and tried to find a comfortable spot. I heard this little exasperated voice in the darkness: "Stop moving!" I laughed and then explained that I wasn't happy with him because he left his toy out and mommy stepped on it and hurt her foot. He said, "Mommy cuckoo!"

Billy's latest drama is to hand me his empty sippee cup and throw his head back across my lap and moan, "Me dying, me dying, me dying."

Kimmy, always a source of amusement, was scratching daddy's back the other day. She turned to me with a look that was a mixture of the melodramatic and pure orneriness, and said, "I'm going to need a shovel, some disinfectant, and some oregano." Along the same vein, as we were driving to Pizza Hut to eat another day, she said, "If they give me a picture to color, I'm going to need a jar of honey, 100 red ants, and the cover of nightfall." (Arrena tells me she got these lines from TV, I think from Hannah Montana.)

Somehow we got on the subject of surgeries I have had. The girls asked a lot of questions, especially about the time that I had to go to the emergency room after Kimmy was born because some of the placenta had been left inside me. Several days later, Kimmy said, "I'm sorry, mom, I left my purse in there! I got my keys, my wallet, my phone, and my driver's license, but I left my purse in there." When we asked her about the keys and driver's license, she said, "When I was a bean, I had a little bitty car." She added, "It was a very friendly place in there. My only friend was the heart. When I played checkers with the heart, it always won because mom kept moving my checkers."

Kimmy loves to watch Animal Planet. The Ugliest Dog Contest came on the other day and Kimmy was appalled and offended. She said, "Dogs aren't for fashion! They're for pets! How would they like it if there was an ugliest person contest?"

And Arrena, not to be outdone, had a couple of funny moments of her own. She told me that, "Dad acts like that TV is a lullaby." I was puzzled and asked her to explain. She said, "Every night he comes home and lays down on the couch, turns on the TV, and falls right to sleep."

Tonight Chris and the kids were watching one of their much-loved crime reality shows and they were telling about a group of thieves who broke into a business to rob it. They didn't know that the security guard was watching them on the surveillance cameras and calling police and directing the police with every move they made and every direction they went. Arrena looked at us and shook her head in disgust. She muttered, "They should have put bags over the cameras." Chris cracked up with a look of surprised disbelief on his face and I said, "We're going to have to keep an eye on this one if she's figured out the smart ways to commit robbery!"

Well, that's a wrap for this amateur night of comedy!

(P.S. For those of you who have my blog delivered to your email inbox, I added a couple of pictures of the girls' first day of school to that blog post after it had already been delivered to you, so you might check those out!)

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