I should not be blogging right now. I have one thousand things to do today. Seriously. Only slightly exaggerating. Don't believe me? Here you go: I woke up at 6:30 am, an ungodly hour for someone like me who is a night owl and stayed up until somewhere in the neighborhood of 2am, trying to get other things done. I get up that early because my son needs his medication at that time of the morning, but that's a whole other story. I say hello to my girls who are getting up and getting ready to go to the school bus, then I fall back into bed for a little while. Somewhere before 8am, my phone rang and it was my middle child, telling me she had left her Greece project at home and would I bring it to her. I groan because yesterday she forgot her lunch. I told her I would bring it, then fell back to sleep for the little time that remained until the alarm went off. Then I got up and realized I felt horrible. My husband has been sick and I have been nursing some slight allergy symptoms, but my head feels like a balloon full of snot and my throat burns. I was supposed to go have a med check at my psychiatrist's office this morning, but I called and cancelled, saying I'd call later and reschedule. Then I got my son ready for school and drove him. I'd already forgotten about Greece. I came home and went to the basement to change the laundry and came up, preparing to get a quick bath and take some allergy meds. Then I saw my daughter's paper on the desk. I picked it up and looked at it and realized it isn't near as done as she claimed it was when I demanded she work on it last night since it was due today. She said, "All I have to do is color it and I'll do that when I get off the computer." I said, "No computer until homework is done." Then I had to go pick up her brother. This project had not a single bit of color on it and had several blank pages. Guess I am going to have to ground someone from the computer, so I'll have to schedule in her tantrum later. I got back in the car and drove to her school and dropped off her project, which is a little like going into a prison since you have to ring the bell, show your ID to a camera, then be buzzed in. Then you have to go fill out a clipboard to leave the paper. I came home and woke up my husband because in about an hour we have to meet with my son's therapist for a parent meeting for some recommendations and a list of questions we have compiled. For info on what that's all about, click here. After that, I have approximately three hours in which to read my Bible study chapters and do my journaling (I know, procrastination, but it's been one of those weeks!), finish reading a book and write a review, and do my grocery shopping. I really need to write another review for a blog I contribute to, but it is going to have to wait until tomorrow. And I am behind one day on my blog challenge on my other blog with no idea what I am going to write that starts with "X" (an A to Z challenge) much less today's "Y" topic! And I need to email some things to my lawyer and dig up some papers, but I don't have time for that today. After that, my middle daughter will get home and we can have a blown up argument about not doing her homework and computer privileges going bye-bye. Then I will have to pick up my son and get him going with reading, etc. I have to hurriedly make dinner so I have get to ladies' Bible study, which is why I have to finish reading today. Even if I decided not to go, I still have to drive my girls over who are providing babysitting. And as next week is the last week and I can't attend since I have no one to watch my son while my husband is at work, this is technically my last week and I don't want to miss.
Now, before you say that this is just one day out of many, let me tell you what my week has looked like.
Sunday, I had nursery duty at church. I had to run to the store to get cold meds for my husband in the rain and hail. I waited out the storm at home and then drove to Wichita to pick up my kids from their dad. Had a major blowup argument with the same middle child who forgot her lunch and project, during which she told me to be a "real mom." This "real" mom lost her temper and I am ashamed to say that I cursed in front of my own mother. That kid will never ever know what I have been through for her. And I know that someday they will get it and they say things in anger that they don't mean. I get that from 2/3 of them most of the time, but there are days when this "real mom" has feelings that get hurt. We ended up having a major discussion with both of us crying. Then we ate, said goodbye to the grandmas and drove back to Kansas City, arriving at 1am.
Monday, I had to do the usual 6:30 meds, take my son to school. I was so exhausted and my back has been in horrible pain since my son jumped on it about a month to six weeks ago. So, I crawled in bed for an hour. I got up and went to the chiropractor and then came home and my daughter called me to bring her lunch, which she hadn't finished making. So, I finished it and took it to her. Then I came home and ate lunch and started looking up coupons and sales and making both a menu and a grocery list. Oh, and I started several loads of laundry. I knew I was running out of time to be going to the store, so I opted for leftovers for dinner. Only everyone wanted to eat at different times. I fed my son after picking him up, then I gathered my daughters up and we ran by the store to pick up a snack (it was middle daughter's turn to bring a snack and we hadn't had time to make anything from scratch), then picked up two of their friends before we went to church for the girls' discipleship group at our church called GLOW (Girls Lighting Our World), which I help out with. After GLOW, I drive the girls home and get attitude from my oldest because I interjected into her conversation about when she will be at her dad's that she is mistaken because she will be with me Mothers' Day weekend instead of with him. Dead silence in the car. Then my middle daughter tells me that she and her friends were making fun of me at school today. Oh yay. What did I do now? I pressed and she finally told me and it made no sense because it wasn't even true. She took a real situation and embellished my innocent passing comment about surprise into a tirade of anger. I told her that was not what happened. She shrugged and said she had thought I was mad. What? I mean, wha...? I spent the rest of the evening doing laundry and replying to people who had responded to some Craigslist ads I had posted and reading this book that I found out I had to review by tomorrow! My husband wanted to watch our DVR'd two favorite shows, one of which I write a review about.
Tomorrow is a light day. I have a chiropractor appointment and my son has a psychiatrist appointment. My girls get home early from school. It is unclear if they have youth group tomorrow night. Maybe I can get blogs caught up and housework caught up.
Thursday starts the onslaught. I have a meeting with my son's school to go over what his therapist recommends today. Then my son has karate and my oldest is in a play at school. Friday, we go to court over some custody things, which has been a year in the making. Then my middle one has karate and then we all beat it over to the church because the GLOW girls have an overnighter planned that will go non-stop all night long. I can't stay all night as my husband has to work before the event ends and I have to be home with my son. And, if I could be there all night, staying up all night and then spending a day with my son on no sleep is not a good idea. Saturday, I have someone coming to pick up a dishwasher I put on Craigslist, so I hope I won't be murdered, lol. Then we are going to try to go to my daughters' friends play, despite the fact that we will have to bring their brother, who doesn't sit still very well.
In the middle of all of this, I am trying to build my photography and Etsy businesses and keep house, which is failing miserably. I really need to bring in some income, but I can't go back to work because my son gets suspended too much and I don't know of a babysitter that can deal with his special needs and works for cheap...or free, like my last one. I look around my house and feel defeated because it is a mess but I don't have time to clean! I barely have time to sleep! So, why am I blogging instead of doing something constructive? Because if I don't express my frustration here, I may blow somewhere else. Not healthy or beneficial.
Most of the time, my oldest makes me feel like I am not a complete failure as a mother. The other two...well, I can't seem to teach them anything. I keep trying to show them the right way and they do whatever they want. And I am always the bad guy. But, when my oldest gives me attitude and criticizes, that's when I really feel betrayed. And that's why I want to boycott Mother's Day. Not for my own mother...I love her and my mother-in-law and my grandma and they deserve everything I can't afford. But, I do not want homemade cards that they were pressured by teachers or society or my well-meaning husband to make to honor mom for one day when 364 days, I get no respect. I get attitude and abuse and smirks and laughed at and ignored. I don't want a fake appreciation for one day. That's hypocritical and I don't want that. I'd rather just treat it like any other day. Maybe I sound whiny and sleep-deprived. Probably. But, I just can't look at these little tokens they present and fake a smile this year when I know that in an hour I am going to see rolled eyes or called a name or be argued. I can't do it this year. Maybe that disqualifies me from mother of the year but so be it--none of my kids would vote for me anyway. Does anyone else feel this way? Like they are complete failures as parents? What happened to the days when mommy was everything? I get that it's a stage, but I wonder what I am teaching them at this stage since they aren't listening.
I Have Moved!
2 years ago