Thursday, March 3, 2011

My Dichotomy

You know, there is a raging battle that goes on inside of me. On the one hand, I have always wanted to be liked. I would feel utter despair if anyone did not like me. It seemed a failure on my part. I wanted to please and be liked. I am a people-pleaser. Yes, I had self-esteem issues. I have been known to become physically sick to my stomach if there was a disagreement between myself and someone else. But, on the other hand, I am very opinionated. These two traits do not go together. To be a people-pleaser, you must do what everyone else wants you to do and deny yourself. And vice versa, to express your opinions, you will inevitably tick some people off who disagree. Which brings in my third wretched trait...I cannot deal with confrontation. This is why I have a blog! I can say what I want. I can rant, rave, express my opinions and yet never have to deal with any confrontation. Even on the off-chance that someone makes a negative comment on my blog, I have the ability to ignore the comment and try to make myself believe it never happened. But, you know that the people-pleaser in me will fester and stew over what that person said.

Which brings me to my revelation, my mantra. I do not care what other people think. There is only One that I seek to please. Galatians 1:10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." And while I am not perfect and do not always please Christ, his is and always will be the approval I seek to gain.

1 comment:

Pixie said...

I can totally understand a lot of this. Confrontations make me ill to my stomach and I stress over what everyone says to me or may be thinking of me and I lay down way too easy and let others walk all over me :( Great mantra, thanks for sharing.