8-7-2021 Journal Entry, aka Covid Argument Part 2

The reply I got wasn't exactly what I'd hoped.  For a sermon on humility, I didn't see much of that in the response.  He admitted in church he has a problem with pride.  I didn't find any personal responsibility in his reply.  No "I'm sorry my words hurt you."  Not even and acknowledgment of my Bible verses.  Some of it seemed like he didn't even read all of my email.  Here's the reply:

Thank you for sharing your feedback with me, Robin.  I am deeply sorry for your loss and the hurt you're experiencing.  I tried to articulate both sides of the issue in my sermon.  At one point, I said that if I had a family member or someone close to me who died of Covid, I would see it differently.  I totally understand your perspective, and the whole point is there are multiple perspectives, all of which are valid, depending on how Covid has affected someone personally.  I think everyone in a situation like this is allowed to have their own opinion and make their own decisions.  I am very sad for your loss, Robin, and for everything you have gone through with your husband's passing.  I am praying for you and for God's blessing and comfort as you grieve.  God bless you.

I was very angry, both at him and the majority of Christians who don't take this seriously.  It's not a matter of opinion to me--it's a difference of right and wrong.  I was hesitant to talk to my therapist about it but she seemed to understand my point of view.  I didn't tell her it was specifically my Pastor, just that it was someone I looked up to and respected and was in a position of authority.  She may have guessed.  But she talked about creating boundaries with him but I don't know how you do that with your pastor (I go to an extremely large church).  She reminded me that Christians aren't perfect.  I just find it really disconcerting that I can count on one hand the number of people who believe like me.  I've really been struggling with anger.  Then I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of when Jesus broke the commandments down to 2: love God and love people.  Even if I feel like most Christians aren't showing love for others in this pandemic, my job is to love them regardless, even if they aren't following Scripture in this.

4-12-2021 Journal Entry, aka A Word of Encouragement

Tonight at GriefShare, a man told me he felt like God wanted him to tell me that He gave Scott to me as a symbol of His love. 

Westboro "Baptist Church"

The Westboro "Baptist Church" has long infuriated and sickened me. Today I was even more disgusted as I heard that they are planning to protest the funeral of the nine-year-old girl that died in the Tucson, Arizona shooting. It's bad enough when they protest at soldiers' funerals, but when they protest at a little girl's funeral, it shows how truly sick and hateful they really are.

These people once picketed a church I was attending. This puzzled me, at first. Our pastor was very well-known for being outspoken about homosexual marriages and abortion. What could they possibly have against our church? They held signs that said, "Your pastor is lying to you," and "This way to hell," and "Fag lovers." Their problem with us was that our pastor taught that we should hate the sin, yet love the sinner, as Christ teaches in the Scriptures. Our pastor spoke about people he called friends that were gay. He did not agree with their choices, but cared about them, in spite of their lifestyle. The Westboro people did not agree with that. One of the women that I knew from choir went outside to speak with them. She was upset that they were dragging an American flag around on the ground, disrespecting our country's flag. When she confronted them, they cussed at her. Very Christ-like behavior, I must say.

What angers me the most about the Westboro bunch is that they reflect badly on Christ and on other Christians. We all get lumped into the same category. However, they are nothing like those of us who are TRUE followers of Jesus Christ. It's not mine to judge, but I don't believe that they are Christians at all. I don't know where they get their agenda of hate--they didn't get it from God's Word. I attend a Baptist church and have for most of my life and the things that they believe and practice have nothing to do with the Baptist denomination.

Some of their protest signs state that "God hates America." John 3:16 says that "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." I John 4:7-16 explains that God IS love: "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them." If you want to know what God does hate, it's written in Proverbs 6: "There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community." Wow. Does any of that list strike you as applicable to the Westboro people? Maybe God hates what THEY do. Hmmm....

They are outspoken about homosexuality, claiming that God hates gays. However, the Bible is full of God's love for sinners. The story of the woman at the well in John, chapter four, tells of Jesus' encounter with a woman who was living a sinful lifestyle, yet he did not speak words of hate to her. In John 8, a woman was brought to Jesus who had been caught in the very act of adultery. Jesus said, "let him who is without sin cast the first stone." When they all left, he told the woman that he didn't condemn her either. Are any of these Westboro people without sin themselves? Do they believe that any sin is worse than another? James 2:10 says whoever keeps the whole law, but stumbles at one point is guilty of breaking all of it. There is a message to them in Matthew 7: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

As for their obvious hatred of anyone and everyone, that is absolutely not found in Scripture. I John 3:15 says, "Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him." I John 4:20 tells us that, "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen." Matthew 5 says we are to love our enemies as well as our brothers. In Luke 10, Jesus explains to a lawyer that we are to love our neighbor as ourself and that EVERYONE is our neighbor.

While I believe that Jesus shed his blood for anyone who wishes to receive, even people from the Westboro cult, I don't believe that they are Christians. The Bible tells how to know if someone is truly of God. John 13 says that everyone will know that we are Christ's disciples, if we have love for one another. Again, I look to Matthew 7: “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them." James 3:9-12 says "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." I John 4 says to test spirits to see if they are of God. If what someone says does not measure up with what the Scripture says, they cannot speak for God. Matthew 7:21-23 says, " “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’"

I have read comments by others online who have vowed to picket Fred Phelps' (the leader of the Westboro group) funeral when he dies. I cannot say that is something I would desire to do. For one, the man does not deserve that much attention. He should be ignored. For two, I believe that while others are gathered around his grave, Jesus will be setting him straight in a way that no one on earth ever could. And third, I believe that we should do what he and his people refuse to do: love. When the Bible says to love our enemies, it isn't written only to them. It's for us as well. As much as we hate all that they stand for, we must love them as well. And so, as I close this blog out, I pray, not only for the victims of the Arizona shooting, but also for the Westboro people, that their eyes may be opened to the truth of God's Word and they will repent of their wicked ways.

Internal Battles

I was really struggling with myself this evening. I was really mad at Chris and my feelings were at odds with my head. I wanted to lash out and retaliate, but I knew what I SHOULD be doing. I went to church this evening, a little bitter and angry. In the car, I could hear this still, small voice in my head telling me what I should do, but I was squelching it in order to think on what actions (direct or passive-aggressive) would make me FEEL better. If you remember the Bible story where God reveals himself to Elijah, it says that there was a wind so strong that it tore the mountain, but God was not in the wind. Then there was an earthquake, but God was not in the earthquake. Then there was a fire, but God was not in the fire. After that, came a still, small voice and that was God. Sometimes I think that if you don't listen to the still, small voice, God stops speaking to you. But other times, I think God tries a little louder to get your attention. Such was the case tonight. Our pastor's father-in-law was speaking tonight. He just celebrated his 65th anniversary and has been in the ministry for 58 years. He spoke tonight on I Corinthians 13--the love chapter. I groaned inwardly. THIS is what the voice in my head had been trying to tell me, but I had shushed it quickly. Now, I was at His mercy for about half an hour. You know already what happened. The passage is: "4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8) Love never fails." The italics are mine, indicative of how much of the passage was convicting! So, instead of leaving my phone off and staying out as long as possible, taking the kids to McDonald's and bringing him nothing (as was the beginning of my evil scheme), my first step of charity was to turn on my phone. Which promptly warned me of a message, of course from my infuriating spouse, who was locked out of the house and accused me of doing it on purpose out of spite. I bit my tongue near off and tried to call him back. There was no answer. I could have gone on to McDonald's with the kids, but I took a deep breath, gritted my teeth, and went by the house first to see if he had gotten in yet and if he had eaten yet. He was, in fact, there and was hungry. And instead of ignoring him or letting him have it, I calmly stated why I was angry. Not sure if it did any good, but I did what I think God wanted me to do. I know it seems like a simple thing, turning on my cell phone, and picking up some McDonald's for him, but it was an about-face for me. Someone once accused me of not having a backbone because I didn't stand up for myself and basically didn't fire away with both barrels when someone (specifically, Chris) mistreated me. Honestly, I think it's harder NOT to react. I didn't want to be nice. At all. I'm right. He's wrong. Why should I have to be the bigger person here? Because anyone can react. But God demands for us to love our brethren and the world and "by this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." That self-control and collaring feelings and proceeding even though wounded is one of the hardest things I think I have ever done. And it hasn't gotten any easier over the years. Jesus never said it would be easy to turn the other cheek. And I have to keep recalling the lesson I learned years ago about forgiveness--how can I expect to be forgiven, if I don't forgive?

Anyways, that's enough deep thinking for today. My brain hurts.

I am biting the bullet and getting my hair permed in the morning. ACK! I called the lady that used to cut my dad's hair and the bottom fell out when she said she was quitting to be a nurse in two weeks and she is booked solid. So, my finding a bond with my stylist scheme fell apart. I decided to call the Xenon beauty school and make an appointment instead. I figure whoever does my hair will a student, too new to be unfriendly towards people who aren't regulars. And if I like her, I'll ask her to let me know where she ends up working and I will go to her every time. Best I can come up with at this time! We'll see how it goes. I am so nervous!