1-17-2021 Journal Entry, aka Meet the Pastors

I was going along okay, watching the Chiefs' playoff game and then when it was over, I started to cry.  I miss Scott being there to yell at the TV with me.

We went to church this morning and tonight we went to "Dinner with the Pastors".  It was nice in a mega church to be able to meet our actual pastor.  It's hard to not talk about Scott though because that's the biggest, glaring thing in my life.  Then I feel bad because, number one, sympathy immediately follows, and number two, I feel like I've hijacked the conversation away from the couple Billy and I were sitting with.

1-4-2021 Journal Entry, aka How to Help Someone Who is Grieving

Saturday night, we were invited over to a friend's house for dinner.  I think it is the best thing that someone has done for me.  Not to say that the home-delivered meals or money contributions weren't wonderful gestures of kindness, but someone getting me out of the house was the best.  Someone taking time to notice and think of us.

I also went back to church yesterday morning (we've been watching online for months).  It felt good to go back.  People that choose not to wear masks make me incredibly sad.  The music got me choked up.  It was a lot of being out and about for 2 days, so I came home and took a long nap and the Chiefs lost.

1-1-2021 Journal Entry, aka How to Help Someone Who is Grieving

I'm glad to be going to my friend's house tomorrow for dinner.  I think some people don't know what to do for someone who's grieving, but for me, getting out of the house is something to look forward to.  More people should invite out someone grieving.  I'm not going to move, but here I am surrounded by things that remind me he lived here (his shoes, his toothpaste, his vitamins, etc.) but also things that remind me he's gone, like the cased folded flags and the empty side of the bed.  But then I carry around my phone which still has reminders.  My calendar app still has all his work days, vacation, and on call weeks listed.  I can't bring myself to erase them.  Every time Facebook tells me I have memories, he's always included.  But, I suppose the good memories are better than his death.