Update on the Little Prince

My last post was one of desperation. I have to say that things didn't get much better after that. Billy's tirade lasted four or five days. One particularly bad day, I took my phone, walked out onto the porch, shutting the front door on the sound of Billy banging on his bedroom door, and sat down to call a close friend and cry. We talked for a while and one thing she said to me was that she was not an advocate of institutionalizing children, but she was afraid that in this case, it might be necessary. I was NOT pleased to hear that.

My husband had worked the night before and as he works 24 hour shifts, he was sleeping that morning. When he woke up and found me in a state of tears, snot, and raw nerves, he said I should have woken him up. He said that we might have to think about hospitalizing Billy. I immediately burst into sobs and wails, saying that's what my friend had said and I couldn't imagine such a thing. How could I send my 6-year-old away to strangers? He's my baby! My husband helped me count my blessings to calm me down and urged me to call our counselor to see what he thought.

When the counselor called me back and heard the tale of woe, his response was that if we didn't get him under control quickly, we might have to send him to a residential treatment facility. We met with him and I cried in his office. I knew that I would do whatever was best for Billy, even if it meant sending him to some in-patient treatment, but the idea of it ripped my heart out. Our counselor urged me to harass the psychiatrist's office every day until we were able to get an earlier appointment. He said he was not able to make diagnoses, but he was leaning towards Billy having bipolar disorder, as well as some OCD, which would require some other meds (which would hopefully bring the situation under control without having to send Billy anywhere). We, personally, have long thought he might have some mild autism, perhaps Asperger's.

The psychiatrist's office was able to get us in last Wednesday. Since our counselor works some days out of the same office as our psychiatrist, he had met with the doctor and discussed with him the problems and his observations before our appointment. When I came in, he asked me some questions and then asked me if we were willing to go to a stronger medicine. It carries more risks, but we are at our wit's end and we don't know what else to do. The counselor who has been at this for thirty years doesn't even know what else to do at this point. And it has to be better than sending him to a facility. So, they took him off his afternoon med and his antidepressant and put him on an anti-psychotic. The doctor is not willing to change his diagnosis yet or label Billy as anything, but the meds that he put him on treat autism, bipolar, and schizophrenia. My ex-husband's family has more than enough bipolar and schizophrenia to go around, so it is entirely possible that one or more of my children could inherit these problems.

So, we've started him on half a dose. When his body gets used to that and he overcomes his sleepiness from the meds, we will bump him up to a full dose. We are praying that this makes a difference for him and that he will have little to no side effects from it. He did not behave well Saturday, when I hosted a friend's baby shower. But, he has been pretty good yesterday and today, so we are praying that this continues.

One blessing to come out of this was that I visited a new Sunday School class last week and met a woman who has a son with mild autism. He was placed on the same meds and she swore by them. So, when the doctor suggested them, I had already heard of them. And it is nice to have someone to talk to who knows what we are going through.

Our next step with him is to get him a dental appointment. He has needed some work done for a while, but it was either that we didn't have the money for it or that we had hoped he would lose the baby teeth soon rather than wasting a fortune on teeth that may fall out in a month. However, he has a couple that are really causing him problems and look really bad. My husband also believes that if his teeth were fixed, he might eat more and might be better-tempered. However, I am not sure how we will get him to hold still for the work I foresee coming. If they come near him with a needle or a drill, he will flip. The insurance company said they would cover sedation if the dentist gets pre-authorization and can show reason why it is necessary. I had hoped for a little bit more of a concrete diagnosis for Billy. I mean, they might be more likely to approve sedation for a child who has autism or bipolar disorder than a child who is just diagnosed as ADHD. ADHD just doesn't adequately cover Billy.

If his eating doesn't improve after his dental work, I am going to take him back to our primary care physician. I worry about his physical health as well as his mental and emotional health. He hasn't gained weight in more than two years (he's always been very skinny), he's almost seven and hasn't had even a hint of a loose tooth yet, and he complains about stomachaches all the time. He doesn't sleep well either, but I assume that has more to do with the mental and emotional issues he has.

Please pray for my little guy. I feel so sorry for him. But, I also feel sorry for the girls and for us because we all suffer with this.

The Modern Family

Once upon a time, in a land not too far away, there lived a queen. She was neither a good queen nor a bad queen, but a queen that tried her very best. Her dominion was not very large: in fact, her subjects were very limited in number, but she loved them very much and would give anything for their well-being.

By and by, the queen had a son. The very idea of raising a son struck terror in the heart of the queen. She knew nothing about raising a modern-day knight. She had no magic mirrors or book of spells to help her, for this land was not magical. She feared her son becoming like the wicked king and she longed to instill the love of the Creator in him.

However, when the prince was born, he immediately bonded with the queen. The babe would stare lovingly into her face, bringing tears to the queen's eyes. The prince made the queen feel like a queen. The apprehension the queen had felt melted into love and adoration.

When the boy was a toddler, the wicked king decided that he was too much of a mama's boy and took him under wing, much to the chagrin of the queen. The sweet baby became a hard to manage child. He threw tantrums, he screamed, he hit, he kicked, he threw things, he said bad words. The queen remembered the sweet baby and loved her son still. She hoped he would grow out of this stage.

The prince started preschool. The queen received phone calls from the school that the boy was being mean to other students and could not be calmed and would not give ear to his instructors. As the problems escalated and the years passed, the queen realized that the boy was not outgrowing the issues. They were only getting worse. She went to parenting classes, read books, asked other parents, researched online. She knew it must somehow be her fault. She had done something wrong in raising the boy. The boy still loved his queen mother, however, and preferred her company above all others.

The wicked king, meanwhile, attempted to kill the queen and run away with the prince and the royal princesses, but his plans were thwarted. He was arrested, dethroned, overthrown, and left to set up a kingdom somewhere else. The queen found a new king, who was good and kind and loved the prince and the royal princesses and moved them into his castle, where he lived alone with his faithful canine companion.

As the prince began elementary school, the good king and the queen began to be more and more concerned about his behavior. Words like "high functioning autism" began to haunt them. So, they sought medical help. A doctor, or wizard of the first degree, sent them to a wizard of the second degree. He proclaimed that the prince had an affliction known as ADHD, complicated with a side of ODD. They tried different potions from the apothecary until they found one that seemed to calm the boy down. His behavior was still a problem, but he was finally able to sit still. They were then passed on to a wizard of the third degree.

This wizard gave them new parenting techniques and suggested new punishments for the prince. The wizard charged them with keeping a scroll of the boy's actions. The queen gained confidence in her ability to handle the boy and be a strong mother. However, she missed her son when he had to be banished to the tower, which was frequently. The wizard saw elements of OCD in the boy's behavior. One of his troubling observations was that the prince seemed happiest when he was playing by himself, being left alone.

Though the wizard was still working on the problem, the queen became nervous when the wizard mentioned "occupational therapy" if the prince could not gain control over himself and his actions. This, to the queen, sounded like giving up on her beloved son. She was further troubled when the wizard told them that the prince was selfish and narcissistic and that if they were to quit at this point, they would have to learn to accept him for who and what he is: someone that expects the world to revolve around him. The queen was brokenhearted when the wizard told her that her son obviously did not feel the same about her as she did about him or else he would miss her when he was banished to the tower. Since he didn't seem to mind being in the tower alone, he obviously didn't care about spending time with the queen or being a part of the royal family. The queen felt as though she had lost that sweet baby and that she'd imagined the close relationship she had believed she'd had with the prince.

As with all fairy tales, the question is whether they all lived happily ever after. Unfortunately, I can't tell you the answer to that question because the next chapter hasn't been written yet. We still don't know what is causing the problems with my son or how to help him.