2-14-2021 Journal Entry, aka Valentine's Day

I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day, but I didn't realize how pervasive it was until this year.  I've been avoiding Facebook posts like the plague.  Scott always got me and the girls flowers.  He got them for the girls so they'd grow up, knowing what treatment to expect from a good man.  He often recruited Billy to help to teach him the right way to treat women.  I'm forever thankful that he tried to teach/show my children things like this.  My Facebook memories was full of flowers he'd gotten me over the years.  A couple of weeks ago, I saw a picture of a bouquet he got me just because I was having a hard day.  He was so good to me and I miss him.

The big excitement today was that Paul (my daughter's boyfriend) asked Arrena to marry him.  I knew it was going to be today.  He came over a few weeks ago to get my blessing and talked over plans with me.  It wasn't a surprise to Arrena, but now it's official.  Seems so soon for me to enter the phase of life where I have a son-in-law.  I'm still wrapping my head around empty nesting.  I wish Scott could be here to see her down the aisle and for grandkids, when they come.  It's not fair he did so much of the work and doesn't get to see the end result.  He deserved a place of honor.

2-12-2021 Journal Entry, aka Early Valentine's Gift

Billy asked me to help him clear some land on Minecraft.  Minecraft was something Scott and I and Billy did together.  I've only been on briefly to set something up for Billy since Scott died.  At first I said no, I didn't feel like it, but then I felt guilty so I said ok.  It was cathartic just to break blocks.  I should have known that from before when I was playing with my depression, but I'd forgotten.  And I had no desire to log on without Scott.  But, I should learn from Scott--even when he was in the hospital, he logged on a couple of times to "be" with Billy.  Then Billy wanted to play games and I ended up with a headache.  Maybe too much for one day.

Arrena and Billy gave me an early Valentine's gift.  I knew they'd been working on a secret project that involved Windex, the printer, and my paint brushes.  Scott always got me and the girls flowers for Valentine's Day, even though I've never been really big on Valentine's Day.  He wanted to show all three of us how we should be valued.  He often recruited Billy to help teach him how men should treat women.  The kids got me roses and put them in a vase they had mod podged with pictures of me and Scott.  It immediately made me cry.  The sweetness of the gesture with all the memories and never getting flowers from him again was overwhelming.  They did a great job.  I'm just overly emotional.  There was lots of hugging.

Arrena told me that 3 days before Christmas, Billy had come to her and had the idea to put pictures of us in a book for me.  This was sort of a compromise.