2-10-2021 Journal Entry, aka Broken Pieces

Last night I watched a sermon about broken pieces.  It was really encouraging to me.  And two verses keep popping up: II Corinthians 12:9 "And he has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." and Romans 8:18-23 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.  For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God.  For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it , in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God.  For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now.  And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body."  I'm still struggling, but I know God is there with me and He'll make something from these broken pieces.

Billy had a bad morning today and I wasn't very patient.  He got out with his "person" a little while ago.  I've been so anxious for time without him, but now that he's gone, I can't think what to do.  That seems to be my constant problem.  I have no interest in anything anymore.

Since Scott died, I've been praying for a dream about him so I could be with him again, even if it's just in my mind.  Finally last night I dreamed we were shopping for motorhomes.  It felt good to be with him.  Even if yesterday and today have been marked by crying, missing him.

More musings on the book I am reading (& my Bible reading)

I was reading about how useless worry is. I knew that in my head, but gained new insight with some comments from the book In Pursuit of Peace. Worry won't change anything. Duh...but seriously! If it won't help and likely will hurt, why bother wasting time and energy on it? And if God will take care of you, why worry? Trust Him! And worrying about other people? You can't change people. You can barely control the outcome of your life, let alone anyone else's. Why worry about what anyone else does or says or thinks? They will do what they will do and you can't change it. Galatians 1:10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

II Corinthians 5:7 says, "For we walk by faith, not by sight." Our feelings do not always convey truth. Our feelings change. We cannot trust our feelings. Satan can use our feelings against us. He can change our feelings.

I know I quoted this one yesterday, but it is well worth repeating. Matthew 7:7-11 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" Matthew 9:20-22 "And suddenly, a woman who had a flow of blood for twelve years came from behind and touched the hem of His garment. For she said to herself, “If only I may touch His garment, I shall be made well.” But Jesus turned around, and when He saw her He said, “Be of good cheer, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And the woman was made well from that hour." Matthew 17:18-21 "And Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of him; and the child was cured from that very hour. Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?” So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.”

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." I have been trying to focus on God as much as possible (through prayer, Bible reading, my books I am reading, and music) to try to keep the negative thoughts at bay. When I do, I am okay. When I don't, the depression creeps in. Today while I was at the YMCA, I was getting sad and depressed while in the showers. It really gets me when I am totally alone, showering or driving to work, etc. When I got out and was at my locker, getting dressed, a woman walked by and was singing "I Need Thee Every Hour." So you can see what an unexpected blessing that was (and so I can see it whenever I need it), I will put the lyrics here:

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their pow’r when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.