Bad Trees Make Good Neighbors

In our last neighborhood, we had really nice neighbors on either side of us and the kids really miss them. We occasionally email or visit them still. We have lived in this house for 16 months and have never really known our neighbors. We get busy and wrapped up in our own lives and forget to be outgoing and friendly. I mentioned in a previous blog that our neighbor here was grouchy and didn't like us much.

Well, during Kimmy's birthday week, the neighbors were having their trees cut down. They had been damaged during an ice storm a few years back. One was a behemoth and we didn't like it much since the seed pods or whatever they were that dropped off of it were sticky. However, it did provide a lot of shade for our yard too. The tree cutting was a bit annoying because they were using our yard and driveway to fell the beast. Logs littered our yard, their trucks blocked our driveway and mailbox, and we were asked not to leave our car in the driveway. Chris was ticked off. After the neighbor lady (Rose) had gotten onto him about his friend's car being parked in front of her house, her tree people were blocking our driveway and her tree was littering our yard. He said something to her about it and the driveway wasn't blocked much after that, but the logs remained. It was somewhat annoying because they took over a week to get done and the logs were still there when we had Kimmy's BBQ and we were unable to mow the lawn.

The girls watched out their bedroom window as the crew climbed up the trunk and cut down branches. The girls cheered and cackled maniacally as branches demolished the woman's flower beds and plants. I was appalled. I asked why they were being so vicious and they said, "She's a mean lady." I said, "You don't know that lady. She might be very nice." Then we talked about how the Bible says that even if someone is mean, you are still to be nice to them. And I mentioned Jesus' prayer from the cross as an example: "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." They hung their heads. (Though I must confess that based on the encounters Chris had with her, I wasn't too keen on her myself.)


We have been trying to find some mulch for our side yard. That's the dogs' "pen". There is a gate so we can shut off that side of the yard and keep them corralled. They are so destructive that I don't trust them in the full yard anymore, I want to keep the feces contained so the kids can play without getting in it, and Billy gets scared of how rowdy the dogs are since they are so much bigger than he is. Anyways, we wanted mulch because that area floods every time it rains and the dogs are in water and muck. I had just posted on a message board to see if anyone knew where I could find some mulch when I heard chainsaws outside. I went outside and asked what they do with the tree after they cut it down. They said they take the branches to their property ( I think they said the deer eat the leaves), but they might let me have the trunk. I didn't think they would remember, so I didn't hold my breath. But, after they were done, Rose came by and said if I wanted the mulch, I could have all I wanted.


So, Friday morning, I went out and helped her shovel mulch. I didn't think that there would be enough for my whole side yard from that one tree, but there was. I finished up today with nine cart loads and we had way more than that on Friday. I was so sore Saturday after all that shoveling and raking! Rose and I talked some during the work. She's a German lady, so we had something in common, since we lived in Germany for two years. We both have two large dogs that like to dig and chew. And she knows the lady that owns this house and suggested that I write to her to let her know how horrible the property management company is. She said they live in Okinawa, Japan. Anyways, she seemed a nice enough lady after all.


I bought her a begonia plant to say thank you and also to give her a start on replacing the plants that the tree people ruined. She seemed delighted. Her husband, who is sick with diabetes and cancer, came out and said, "How come you are so nice and your husband is such a stinker?" I laughed because Chris says that in most couples one is nice and the other is mean and he always thinks I am the mean one out of our couple! I said, "He's not so bad. He just works a lot and is tired most times." Rose invited the kids over to feed the fish in a pond they have in the backyard. I told the children, "See? She IS nice."

So, we have changed the proverb: good fences don't make good neighbors...bad trees do.

The Not-So-Great Outdoors

Today we went back to the splash park with my friend and her kids. No teenage smackdowns today...

We are planning to go to my annual family reunion over Labor Day weekend this year. We try to go as often as we can. But, we have always just driven down for the day and come back that night. I'm not sure why we did that when I was a kid, but I know as a married adult, the reason for six of those years, was that I had to deliver newspapers 365 days a year, so I had to be back for the Sunday paper. Last year, I had quit the paper before that time, but I don't think we had planned for going and it came up on us so suddenly that I had forgotten about it. This year, however, we have decided to camp for three nights. This is a big deal. I haven't been camping since I was a toddler. My parents used to have a camper on my dad's truck and they went quite a bit, but I don't remember it. They have pictures of me as a baby playing in the camper or old movie reels of me swimming in the lake with my mom and of me and my cousin, one year my senior, sneaking around stealing drinks of pop from the adults when they weren't watching. So, I have zero experience with camping. I've been to summer camps as a teen, but that's nowhere near the same.

Furthermore, I am not a high-maintenance kind of woman, but I have never really been an outdoors-y sort of person. I'm not the type to strap on hiking boots and head out for a nature walk. Although I like gardens, I have a hard time getting motivated to go outside and work on one. Although the IDEA of sitting outside on a nice evening appeals to me, when it comes down to it, I'd rather sit in the house. If left to my own devices, I don't think I would even voluntarily go to parks.

So, the other day, I began to contemplate the reason for this aversion to the outdoors. I think part of it has to do with the bugs. The last two places we have lived have had wasp problems. I haven't been stung, but Chris, Arrena, and Kimmy all have. I hate being bitten by mosquitoes. I know, you can spray junk all over you or burn stinky candles, etc., but what's the point of sitting outside if you have to smell such stinky stuff? My opinion is that the chemicals don't repel the bugs, the bugs just can't stand the way you smell, so they steer clear!

Really the biggest reason, I think, is that I am soft. I have gotten so used to technology and modern convenience that I prefer it. My biggest can't-live-without item is air conditioning. I think that originates from when we lived in Germany. I don't know how it is now, but when we were there, air conditioning was unheard of. Probably rich people had it, but from what I understood, normal people did not. We lived in the fifth floor of an American housing unit. Since it was the top floor, we had slanted ceilings and skylights instead of regular windows. The lower floors had these "shades", which more closely resembled some sort of armor that slid over the outside of the windows. We didn't have that. We had to pin up sheets to keep the sun out, which really didn't work well because you couldn't keep it totally fastened if you wanted to open your window. And you had to open them or it became stifling in there. The climate there wasn't SO bad. Not like Kansas. It was unbearably hot maybe one week out of the summer, as I recall. The rest of the summer was hot, but somewhat tolerable. Especially if you became accustomed to it. That one week, I would sit in the hallway, away from the heat of the sun through the windows, or I would sit in the stairwell--cold marble steps, no windows on that level. There were also no screens on our windows and we got bees in our apartment all the time. At the time, I was really afraid of them, so if one flew in, I would shut the door to that room and not enter it again until Chris came home to kill it. There were a few times, when I ran out of rooms that were "bee-free" and ended up sitting in the hallway until he got home. He often laughed at me. After that, I swore I would never again go without air conditioning.

Another experience that made me dependent on air conditioning was being pregnant in the Kansas summer. YIKES! When I was pregnant with Arrena, my first, I gained a horrible 45 pounds and we moved back to Kansas when I was four months pregnant. She was due September 28 and for three months of the summer, I don't think the high was below 100 degrees. I remember some dumb person asked me when I was due and when I replied, he said, "Oh man, you mean you have to be pregnant for the whole summer?" I said, "No, I think I'll have her removed for the summer and then put her back when it's over!" And of course, we had our first frost the weekend AFTER she was born--up to then, it was hot, hot, HOT! Anyways, late in my pregnancy, I had to ride somewhere with Chris' aunt in her car. The air conditioning didn't work, but that wasn't all! Three of the windows wouldn't roll down and the fourth would only roll down a little. About the only thing that worked on that car was the internal thermometer, which said it was 128 degrees in the car!

When I was a teenager, I volunteered for a hospital as a candy striper. One of the tasks they chose me for was to dress up with another girl as Raggedy Ann & Andy and visit the children's ward. It was really fun to help the kids, but those suits (the big padded ones with the huge heads of chicken wire and paper mache were heavy and HOT. I read somewhere that those suits can get up to 125 degrees inside. We would visit a few children, then go to an empty room, shed the costume and cool off, then suit up and head out again. We repeated the role at the Safety First Kids Expo. There were several rows of tables set up in the expo hall. We would make a lap around the two middle rows, then head upstairs to a cordoned-off area, strip down, and sit on top of the a/c vents for a while before repeating the process.

I HATE HEAT!

And here, it's not just the heat...(altogether now) it's the humidity (it's a mantra that every Kansan worth his salt knows by heart)! My best friend has often said (and from my three trips out there, I agree with her) that it's hotter to her here when it's in the 80s range than when she is in Arizona and it's 110 degrees. Oklahoma's climate is not that far off our own--that's where the family reunion is.


But, I am game. I don't know what it will be like to camp for three days in a tent (our new one pictured here--Chris and the kids had to put it up in the front yard to see what it looked like), but I will try it for my family's sake {me pointing my finger skyward, triumphantly}! Of course, my husband is trying to secure a portable air conditioner unit for our tent and other various amenities that will make it less "roughing it." Of course, now that I think of it, I wonder if he is doing this for me or for himself.... Hmmm....

Telephonic Invasion and Chick Fights

I have never been much for talking on the phone. I think I inherited that quality from my dad, who never liked to talk on the phone either. Don't get me wrong, I will talk if someone else calls me and be perfectly happy about it, but I am terrible about calling other people. I could blame it on the children and say that I am too busy and there isn't much quiet time to talk on the phone, but I don't think I called that much when I was a teenager either. I talked a lot as a teen, but usually when someone else called me, as I remember it. When I called someone else, I somehow took it personally if they couldn't talk, almost like a rejection. Well, maybe not so much that as I felt embarrassed that I had bothered them. So, from then on, I was afraid to call for fear I would be intruding. I think it's also because I get excited to talk to someone and then if they aren't there or can't talk, I feel a let-down. I don't even like making business related calls. It makes me uncomfortable. I think the reason for that is that I get tongue-tied. I know what I want to say, but once I am put on the spot, I freeze and can't think of the words I had rehearsed. Yes...I sometimes rehearse what I am going to say...don't laugh. I often hang up, only to recall something that I had meant to remark or query, but had forgotten. I am one of the few people that would prefer speaking to a machine, pressing numbers to make choices, or do as much as I can online and with email!

I wish I wasn't this way. I think it makes people upset with me for not calling them and as a result, I wonder if I have lost friends or failed to make friends.

So, for that reason, I don't talk on the phone much. Mostly just to Chris, who calls me several times a day. I talk to my mother maybe once a week (she and my brother like to text me as a rule). Other than that, maybe a few random calls here and there, but nothing regularly and nothing much to speak of. My phone is pretty quiet. The most common ringtone I hear, by far, is the one I assigned to Chris. Sounds sad, but I have resigned myself to it. When I delivered newspapers, I would have nightly chats via a hands-free attachment to my cell phone with a friend who also delivered papers. It was easy to carry on a conversation doing something as menial as flinging papers, there were no children to interrupt, and it kept us both awake. But, after she quit (and me too, not long after), my phone usage went back to sporadic. It makes for cheap cell phone bills! My husband, however, is the exact opposite. He will keep calling people until he finds someone available to talk when he's in a loquacious mood. He spends most of his day with his phone pressed to his ear. When we were first married and I arrived in Germany, where he was stationed, he warned me to use the phone sparingly. They charge per click--which I think was every 6 seconds, if I remember right--even for local calls. Turned out, he was the one to worry about. Most of the calls on the phone bill were his.

All that background aside, I was pleasantly surprised to receive several phone calls in the last couple of days. I had forgotten that I had that ringtone on my phone! Ha, ha. We are hosting a send-off party for Chris' foster parents, who will be moving to Canada later this year to begin their missionary work. We had sent out invitations, with an RSVP plea so we can ascertain whether to expect a few people or hundreds. I had three calls about their party. Then my friend from the newspaper, whom I mentioned in the previous paragraph and had not talked to for some time, called. We spoke for over 45 minutes. We likely would have chatted longer, had my doorbell not interrupted and caused me to have to excuse myself. Then today, Kimmy's friend's father (who is also their gym teacher) returned a call that I had made to his wife regarding Kimmy's upcoming birthday party. That was an interesting call because, while I have met him a couple of times, I was not aware of the fact that he and I had attended the same middle school and high school. So we chatted a bit. The girls were VERY interested in seeing his picture in my yearbook and Arrena has been carrying it around, looking dumbfounded, ever since. I think it's fun when I run across someone I knew long ago or at least crossed paths with. It's amusing to see their picture and know where they came from. I always feel that when people meet me now, they are missing much of the picture, by not knowing who I have been, if that makes any sense.

Anyways, five different callers may not be a big deal for some, but for me it was big-time busy because I usually don't receive that many calls in five MONTHS! And that is in addition to the calls I made for Kimmy birthday and speaking with Arrena's friend's mom about an upcoming sleepover. I feel all talked out now! At least when I was on the phone with my friend, I multi-tasked, doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen, dining room, and my bedroom while I was on the phone. Should have done that during the other calls as well... (Ugh!)

This afternoon, I took the kids to the splash park. For those of you who DON'T know what that is, it's a park with lots of "sprinkler" or fountain-type protrusions that spray the kids with water. My kids love it. There was a bench nearby that had some personal belongings on one end, so I sat on the other end and played solitaire on my phone and watched the kids. Pretty soon, two teenage girls, one teenage boy, and a little girl came back to the bench and I assumed the belongings were theirs. They had been sitting there next to me for a little while and I had paid them no mind until I felt a jolt of the bench. It startled me and I looked up and the two teenage girls had leapt to their feet and had each other in a headlock in front of me. At first, I was dumbfounded as to what was going on. It was just a struggling mass of bodies and I was trying to determine if someone was being assaulted or robbed and if I should step in to assist someone. When one raised her head, I finally figured out that it was the two girls and they were involved in a cat fight. One threw the other down hard on the concrete and I decided that it was time to deliver a brief motherly lecture. I lowered my phone and said, "Y'all need to take this somewhere else, away from all these children!" To my surprise, they acquiesced. They moved off over by the park building in the grass about 100 yards away and proceeded to pummel each other. The little girl was trying to call her mom, but couldn't reach her. Another mother nearby remarked to me, incredulous (and I suspect somewhat appalled), "They are really fighting over there." I just shrugged and said, "At least they went over there."

I used to be the type that minded my own business. I never spoke up, I kept to myself. And I still felt young enough, not to be in a position of authority over other young people. But, I am now of the mindset that it "takes a village to raise a child." In a better world, parents would teach their children to behave, but since that obviously ISN'T the case, I have no qualms anymore about teaching their children myself. Even if they happen to be standing right there. If I, or someone like me, doesn't, who will? Obviously not their parents--and we end up with a very rude and selfish generation.

For example, one day I was waiting for my girls to get out of school and Billy was playing in the sand with some of the other preschool-aged children whose parents were also waiting for older siblings. A couple of the children started to throw sand, which is all the invitation that Billy needs before his thin restraint cracks and he starts grabbing handfuls. None of the parents were making a move to intervene, so I stalked over, snatched Billy up by the arm and scolded the other children, "No throwing sand!" Then I removed Billy from the instigators.

Just a couple of weeks ago, the kids and I were at the YMCA outdoor water park. I was holding Billy and some little boy came by us, way too close, and was thrashing about and hit me hard in the mouth. He didn't mean to, but he was being careless and I was mad. So, I stopped him and said, "You need to watch what you're doing! You just hit me!" He apologized and went away.

So, if you are a parent of one of these holy terrors, don't be surprised or offended if you overhear me telling your child to excuse themselves when they push past us at the zoo or act rudely in any situation which confronts me. My children get the same lecture.

Okay, that gets me all worked up, so I'll close with a picture of Arrena's cactus garden that she made this week. Maybe it will have a calming effect.