Facebook Junior High

Is it just me or does Facebook seem more and more like junior high all over again? Thanks, but no thanks. Don't care to relive that torturous experience again. If the U.S. wants to interrogate terrorists, instead of sending them to Gitmo, they should just subject them to some time in junior high school.  That would have them squealing like a stuck pig.  Facebook is just an avenue for the cowardly to unfriend, block, and criticize without having to do it to your face. I post very little these days because it opens me up for criticism when I'm looking for support from my friends and family. You think you're safe among your friends and then a pot shot comes out of left field. For instance, a few weeks ago, I posted something on Facebook, hoping my fellow moms would support me. Someone who had never been a mom criticized me for it. I never comment on the completely ridiculous things she posts. But, she felt the need to lecture me when she's never walked a mile in my shoes. I found recently that a high school friend had unfriended me and I have no idea why. Tonight I had a friend make a general criticism on her status that was directed at me, then blocked me from her page and unliked my photography business page. I'm so over this juvenile sniping and drama. Yes, it hurts my feelings when I can't count on my family and friends to be there for me and when they don't have the guts to tell me what their problem is with me. But, even more so, I'm just sick of the drama. I've had enough in my life to keep two soap operas in business indefinitely. I just want a boring life. I've drastically reduced my Facebook time, but I'm about two seconds away from deleting everyone from my Facebook friend list except immediate family and tried-and-true friends. I don't need a lengthy friend list. I can be happy with my immediate family and one or two friends. I've been content with less.

It's sad when the strangers that I play Facebook games with are nicer to me than the people that I call friends and family.  Now, I'm not talking about everybody.  I have friends and family that are all that you would expect them to be.  I grouped those into a list I named "trusted" and most of my posts will be viewable by that group alone.

If I have done something to offend someone, it would be nice if they would come to me and give me the chance to fix it.  When that doesn't happen, I am left to assume that they don't have a good reason for slinking off with their tail between their legs.

But, then I start to remember things people have said or done:

* those that I thought were my close friends in high school, who didn't even last two weeks past graduation to come to my wedding.
* when my ex-husband was in the army, I had two very close friends one day, then the next day they stopped speaking to me altogether for some unknown reason.
* my ex-husband telling me:
     * that his foster mom said I come across as unfriendly
     * that he doesn't take me around his family and friends because I act like I am holier-than-thou
     * any number of things, ending with, "...that's why you don't have any friends."
* people that I thought were friends that didn't want to have anything to do with me when I was getting a divorce
* the family tiff I apparently started when I asked my relatives to help out grandma and grandpa by bringing a dish to Christmas dinner
* friends who don't have time for me on my birthday, even though I remember them on theirs
* having friends that are always there when they have problems, but are soooooo busy when I need someone
* seeing other people having tons of friends, while I only have a handful I consider close enough that I would call if I needed help in, oh ... say, moving a body (just kidding.  Seriously.  Maybe.  Well, you'll never know.)

I see all these things that I have listed and think, "It must be me."  I thought that when I was getting divorced too.  It didn't matter that he had been cheating and abandoning me, etc.  I thought that maybe if I had been a good enough wife, he would have wanted to stay with me, that I would have been enough.  I believe Satan brings up this list often.  He whispers to me that I am not a good friend.  He burns my ears with accusations. He squeezes my heart with all the hurt I have felt and makes me feel guilty for it.  But, what is the phrase?  "Every time the devil reminds me of my past, I remind him of his future."  It reminds me of part of the Casting Crowns song, Voice of Truth:

"But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me, reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.  The waves they keep on telling me, time and time again, 'Boy, you'll never win! You'll never win.'  But the voice of truth tells me a different story and the voice of truth says 'Do not be afraid!'  And the voice of truth says 'This is for My glory.'  Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth."

The other song that I think of is Mark Schultz' "You are a Child of Mine":
I've been hearing voices
Telling me that I could 
Never be what I wanna be.
They're binding me with lies,
Haunting me at night,
And saying there's nothing to believe.
Somewhere in the quietness,
When I'm overcome with loneliness,
I hear You call my name.
And like a father You are near
And as I listen I can hear You say
You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life.
No matter where you go,
Oh, you will always know
You have been made free in Christ.
You are a child of Mine
And so I listen as You tell me who I am 
And who it is I'm gonna be.
And I hang on every word,
Knowing I have heard
I am Yours and I am free
But when I am alone at night
That is when I hear the lie
You'll never be enough
And though I'm giving into fear
If I listen I can hear You say
You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life.
No matter where you go,
Oh, you will always know
You have been made free in Christ.
You are a child of Mine

So, I must please Christ, not men.  Not friends on Facebook.  I am not perfect and I screw up.  If I do, I will do what I can to make it right.  But otherwise, I am who I am.  And furthermore, I have to forgive those that hurt my feelings, even online, because I have been forgiven.